April 10, 2018
Ever since I can remember, I was convinced that I had a blissful childhood. Children are perfect in that way, as they are sincere and grateful for what they have. Sure, they may want a toy/candy or throw an occasional tantrum. However, in the spiritual and ambitious context, they don’t think that anything is missing until adult thinking or their secondary environment influences them.
As a child, I had the perfect evenings with my grandparents! My grandmother would make cold supper for everybody, with colorful, little sandwiches and fragrant, black tea with lemon. On special occasions we would add a tiny drop of wild cherry vodka to the tea. When I think back to those evenings, I would enjoy them with every single sense of my body and mind! I was eating all the colors of the rainbow, the tea glistened through the clear, glass cup as the lemon floated inside. Everything smelled absolutely incredible and vivid, including the cigarettes that my grandmother used to smoke. I would hear the TV playing the 7pm fairy tale, followed by the news. Although the fairy tale was a good night program for children, my grandfather would be the one habitually napping in the chair. This left my grandmother and to our own devices. We watched the news, played cards and listened to his open-mouthed snoring. Every evening was the perfect experience of living in the moment. At the end of each evening my grandmother came to tuck me in and say prayers. I would fall asleep surrounded by love, caring and safety.
Let’s fast forward a few years…
When I was eleven, my mother and I moved to the United States. That is when I met my father for the first time. He didn’t meet us at the airport. Instead, his woman-friend picked us up and drove us to the house. Such a beginning was largely representative of all the years to follow. By the time I was thirteen I learned how to install doorknobs with locks to protect my room. Clearly, feeling safe became a preoccupation. Sandwiches were no longer small and colorful (they were hippopotamus-sized, overflowing with meat, cheese and mayo). The “reminiscent of dish water” tea-flavored liquid was hardly worthy of adding a lemon to (not to mention the cherry vodka). I missed my grandparents, friends and everything that made me feel safe and surrounded by love. I did keep the fondness for cigarette smoke by picking up the habit myself (to be fair… I did start with cigars).
In retrospect (although I can look back at my childhood with all the judgment of an adult), I would not change my past because it made me who I am. It did take me a precious long time to arrive at this conclusion and I am grateful to my intuition and angel guides for their patience. It’s clear that my father was not ready to be a father, he was not ready to be a husband or a man, and my mother was not ready to be an independent, stable mother. While my grandparents were around they filled the voids, which my parents created.
How is this relevant today? Knowing my weaknesses makes me stronger. I used to reach for the bread, cookies and chocolate-chip-cookie-dough ice cream simply to feel fulfilled and bring back the feeling of satisfaction from those evenings, that made me feel so safe and loved as a child. One day I had a striking realization, that love and safety are actually inside of me, limitless and connected to the universe. As I meditate and speak to my guides, I realize that I can reach for this limitless supply of love anytime. I can reach for it every time I need to make others or myself feel loved, cared for and safe. My grandparents taught me love and safety. Every day, I feel grateful: for realizing what I was meant to do, for my patient spirit guides that tolerated my choices (🙏), their boundless love, Gabriel, Jason, for my dear ones and for my past. I am grateful for being a part of the universal light and my consciousness of it. My past has made me.
Meditate: What do we treasure the most? What makes us feel good? Chances are it’s already inside of us, if it feels familiar. We are enough; we don’t need to look outside of ourselves for validation.
Goal: Make every action matter and find love inside us. At the end of the day we feel grateful for our accomplishments as they reflect our inner-love. We feel grateful for anything else that matters to us: loved ones, pets, safety and the universe.
I am here to help you on your way to success, healing and love.
Maria The Medium